Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say: Donald Trump is the Man!

So one of my 2016 resolutions goals is to read more. Readers are leaders folks.

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Today during my glance through the news I found this gem of a headline on Quartz.

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Hitler, Stalin, Trump. Wow! You’ve really made a reputation for yourself Mr. Trump. My little Trumpkin – affectionately named as he always looks orange, is going to be pouting over this headline.
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The man has little to no poker face and so if he gets wind of this article it’s likely Megyn Kelly will take the blame.

 

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I don’t consider myself especially political. I like to know what’s going on out there but to think one man or women is going to turn this country around and solve all our problems is quite delusional. Part of the reason I’m on hiatus from Facebook is to avoid the political rants that I’m assuming are filling everyone’s feed. It’s enough to make a person come unglued, turn orange with range and act a bit like my friend Trumpkin.

Love him or hate him he’s here. God help us he’s everywhere! He isn’t going away so the question is how can we stay tuned to what’s going on without throwing our remotes at the TV every time he opens that little beak.

Try my tactic when facing an annoying or uncomfortable situation – find the humor.

Let me help you….

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Definitely the corn!

I’m not sure who I’m going to vote for but I will tell you this – you will never hear me say Donald Trump.

Happy election season! May it be swift and Trump free.

 

 

Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say: I Miss Winter

In case you haven’t stepped outside lately let me inform you that it’s warm out. It’s sunny. It’s a happy season. In Michigan you make every minute count during Summer because it won’t be long before Winter comes back.

The only thing I enjoy about winter is when it’s over.

I don’t ski. I don’t like being cold. I certainly don’t like risking my life on the slippery roads.

Sure, winter can be pretty. Sure, I enjoy Christmas. Sure – it makes me appreciate the warm months all the more. But that still doesn’t make me a fan of Winter, because Winter is the meanest season.

Spring is like, “Hey come outside and watch all the beautiful flowers bloom and catch a baseball game.”

Summer is like, “Hey come outside and enjoy the sunshine. Maybe have a barbecue with some friends or go for a swim.”

Fall is like, “Hey come outside and watch the leaves turn colors and walk around an apple orchard.”

Winter is like, “I dare you to come outside so I can freeze you to death.”

Now I ask, which season is the bad guy?

Let me expand my thoughts on Winter….

Forget yoga, this is how I exercise during Winter.

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Parking lots during Winter. Not fun.

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This feeling. A form of torture.

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To much negativity for you, well here’s a positive to Winter.

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Oh my gosh it’s 60 degrees outside – unpack the flip flops. I don’t care if there’s snow on the ground. It’s 60 degrees out!60

That is, it was 60 out. What happened to Spring?

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I leave you with this fun poem. Author anonymous.

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Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say: Wanna Go Running?

Something awesome happened in my 30’s. I stopped doing things that don’t make sense to me. For instance, if I’m at a party and I get tired, I go home. The fear of missing out was so powerful in my 20’s I lost hours of sleep. Now it’s not an option, my bed is calling. I don’t feel worried about missing out, I feel happy I’m getting sleep.

Running is another good example. I used to run because I wanted to stay in shape. All my twiggy friends ran and they were in awesome shape so I thought, I’ll run too. I would force myself to run, miserable and gasping for breathe.

To be clear, when I say ran I actually mean I went for slow jogs. I’ve promised to never lie in this blog so saying I used to run would be stretching the truth in every way imaginable.

Here’s my thoughts on running.

No thanks.

I’ll pass.

Oh shoot today. Yeah that’s not gonna work because I already made plans to hangout with pizza.

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Super pumped for you that you love running but there are a million things I’d rather do. So when you think about asking me to run, know I’m going to be busy. Even if I have zero to do and I’m bored, sitting in silence, staring at a wall. I am to busy to run.

I will add that I think marathon runners are incredible people. Crazy people, but incredible.

Something in you is wired differently than in me. You couldn’t pay me enough to run in a marathon. Meanwhile your shelling out all the money you got to be in one. People actually pay to fly to another city to run. I’m confused.

The only time I would willingly run 26.2 miles is to escape zombies or if it meant the life or death of my Mom or Matthew. I’d probably run that distance to save a few others but know that every time I saw you I would bring up the fact that I ran to save your life and you owe me big time. You would never live that down.

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I have friends that have run marathons. I’ve stood in the crowd and cheered them but at the same time I’m concerned for them. How can that be good for your body?

Other questions I have for long distance runners.

What if you have to go pee? Or worse?

Do your ears hurt from wearing earbuds that whole time?

You must get really hungry while you run all those miles.  How do you fight off the hunger pains?Acutally I’m hungry right now. Can’t wait to meetup with pizza later.

To be clear I’m not opposed to working out, just running.

Matthew recently setup a nice little gym area for me in our basement. I know you’re probably wondering where you can get those sweet green and red tiles for your house but I can’t help ya there. The previous owner thought that looked good? I’m confused again.

I bike for roughly 20 minutes when possible and then do some yoga and P90X. I try to get down there a few times a week but no one’s stressing out over here if a week goes by without a workout.

Stress out over not working out – ain’t nobody got time for that!

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